Purple Stuff in China

Rumor has it the Chinese are thinking of banning the importation of Purple Stuff. Some officials within the Chinese government believe that the properties of the purple beverage to Increase mental performance might be threatening to government stability.

Science

Just as our body requires balancing things to stay alive such as sunlight, food, shelter and Purple Stuff;
the Earth needs balancing too
…As carbon dioxide content in the air increases
we ruin the ozone layer and cook to death
or block the sun and freeze to death
or neither occurs and we continue to live
but as experts argue;

we need to know if we have Purple Stuff, shrimp and a lighter we can start civilization over

- From the Book
Mr Purpleman’s guide to Going Purple

15 and 10

I turned 15 yesterday and told my 10 year old bro that I like Vitawater cause it is healthy

Lil Bro

“Purple Stuff has more vitamins than that stuff, with less calories and none of that sugar, better taste and and contains hydroxyl ions and alkaline minerals Ca,Mg,Na, K, calcium atoms and forms a solution that improves oxygen flow which the lungs must breathe out”
…
Me
Really?

Lil Bro
” No
That sugar water makes you dumb enough to believe anything
Drink Purple, it’s better soda for the brain”

Covering for Friends

Mr Purpleman’s son told me he would cover for his friend that skipped class.
I said that was wrong
and he said
“I know. Anybody will cover for somebody when the person is doing right, but only a friend will stand by you when you are wrong.”
He then said
…
“There are a lot of judgemental people in the world like you and I think all those people are worthless dirt balls”

This guys dad needs to be stopped from teaching his kids logic.

Colette Purpleman

” I got my first job as a waitress at Lenny’s and after drinking 3 cans of Purple Stuff I took my first customer order.
I picked up the menu and I did not feel the menu; it was deeper than that.
I felt I was the menu.
… I felt birds singing in my head.
All separation between me and customer were gone.
I ordered what I wanted to eat, he loved it and tipped well and now we are engaged so I am quitting this job.

Too many air heads work here.”

Purple Stuff Physics

Any body while drinking Purple Stuff suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation

Say a subject steps off a cliff expecting pastureland
…He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down…

At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over unless the subject holds on to Purple Stuff and then can
thus lower the rate to 6 feet per second.

The Peer Reviews are in:

Mr Purpleman did a marketing survey at our HS.

The peer reviews are in:

The awesomest tasting soda ever!

It works!

I Love Purple Stuff.

Is Purple Stuff a boy or a girl?

I want to marry you Purple Stuff.

My anxiety is gone, Thank You!

You are my Favorite color and my favorite drink.

Purple Stuff; you really care about us. You are good people with the best soda ever!